Wednesday, March 28, 2012

Wrestlemania Preview

Wrestlemania is Sunday.  It's kind of hard to believe it since most of the matches seem random, and the matches that don't feel thrown together have been made obnoxious.

I don't want to be too negative.  There is a lot to look forward to at Wrestlemania, but also a lot I'm just totally done with as well.

Scheduled Matches

Kelly Kelly & Maria Menounos vs. Divas Champion Beth Phoenix & Eve
I'm not trying to be mean, but I don't think anyone cares about this match.  Three of the four participants can wrestle and the one who can, Beth Phoenix, should be booked like Mark Henry was back in October.  She isn't.  I expect Kelly Kelly and this Maria Menounos person to win, because why not?

Team Teddy v Team Johnny
I'm sad that some of my favorite people are relegated to a Survivor Series match.  Speaking of which, why couldn't this have been the Survivor Series match?  Last year's made no sense.  This one has a storyline and flags and everything!

Anyway, yeah, I'm hoping Team Johnny wins.  Teddy's shtick has long been boring and John Laurinaitis is just an amazing character.  It doesn't hurt that his team is really solid.  Dolph Ziggler and The Miz are two of my favorite people, and the rest are really solid.  Team Teddy is just a collection of guys who make fart noises.

Randy Orton v Kane
So, Randy Orton is one of those guys that should be a "big deal" and while I like him well enough, he's been especially solid and willing to put people over this past year or so, he's one of those guys I don't think we'd miss too much if he left.  His being a face is based purely on his abs and I really can't tell you much of his personality without cracking out the DSM IV.

Kane is Kane.  His best days are far behind him and even his best days weren't very good.  I'm not a big Randy Orton fan but I'm not happy about him getting Cena's sloppy seconds with Kane.

Orton could use a win, though, so I expect him to win.  I'm not sure why they brought back Kane if they're going to just let Orton and Cena beat him up, but I'm okay if he left and never came back after this match.

Cody Rhodes v Big Show
I'm not a big fan of Big Show but I think him and Cody Rhodes could have a surprisingly good match.  I say this every week on the With Leather Open Discussions, but Cody manages to do more in a 2 minute promo than Cena or The Rock can do with a half hour.

I hope Cody wins and after Wrestlemania they end up doing another draft and all my favorite guys (Cody, Ziggler, Sheamus, Swagger, Daniel Bryan, Otunga) go to Smackdown so I can stop watching Raw.

Daniel Bryan v Sheamus
I'm a huge Daniel Bryan fan.  He is the actual Best Wrestler In The World and I think Sheamus is really solid as well.  These two guys could give us a match that overshadows everything else.  

Here's what I want to happen: They have a grueling 45 minute match and Daniel Bryan ends up dodging a Brogue Kick and converts it into a hold that Sheamus taps out.  Sheamus and Daniel Bryan shake hands.

What I think will happen: We get a great ten minute match that has Sheamus winning and sends Daniel Bryan back to Superstars where he'll have excellent matches against Tyson Kidd that no but me will watch.

CM Punk v Jericho
This is one of those matches that didn't need as much build-up as it has gotten.  Jericho and CM Punk having a feud, and great match at Wrestlemania, is as natural as a cobra and a mongoose wanting to fight.  We don't need much drama and build up for this feud.

This is another match like Daniel Bryan v Sheamus that I could see overshadowing everything else.  I'm more afraid of it not living up to the expectations people have of these two guys, though.

I expect Jericho to win, but I'd love it if Daniel Bryan and CM Punk won and went on to feud with each other over the next year as they try to unify the titles at Wrestlemania 29.

Undertaker v Triple H
This is a match I have to keep reminding myself that other people are excited for it.  Look, I love Undertaker.  I've been doing a count down of gifs from each Undertaker Wrestlemania victory for my Tumblr.  I just don't care about this match.

This match makes absolutely no sense.  Undertaker didn't even want to fight Triple H and he ended up winning.  Why would Undertaker now be obsessed with beating Triple H again?  Why would Triple H talk about how broken down and sad Undertaker is now?  Wouldn't Triple H just want to build Undertaker up so his loss last year was seen in better light?  These guys are acting in ways that I can't understand.

I recently rewatched last year's match and it isn't bad.  I'm not a Triple H fan, he's probably my least favorite long-term wrestler, but last year's match was pretty good.  I think these two guys can put on a solid match that will entertain.  I still don't care.  These two guys, and Shawn Michaels because why not Shawn Michaels?, have been going on with Inappropriate Ponytail Theater for far too long.  Some feuds need to be built up so I can care, but other feuds are built up so much that I just want everyone involved to go away.

So, yeah, if "End of an Era" means we won't be seeing any of these guys ever again I can live with that.  I'm okay sacrificing Undertaker if it means getting rid of Triple H.

John Cena v The Rock
Like Triple H v Undertaker this is a match that has long made me hate both people involved.  This is the Republican Primary of Wrestling.  The more it goes on the more I want everyone involved to die in a car fire.

John Cena has to win.  If he doesn't win it makes everyone else look weak.  If The Rock wins he'll just leave and keep making movies and no matter who is champion we'll all know that The Rock could just come back and beat that guy up.  

John Cena and CM Punk had a fantastic match last year and I think this match could be a lot better than most people think.  

This Wrestlemania, more than any in recent memory, could be something special.  There are a few throw away matches, but the big four matches all have the possibility of being something special.  If everyone is on and we those four matches deliver I think we can have a very special event.

My major problem with this Wrestlemania is that the two big matches, Undertaker v Triple H and Cena v Rock, don't feature any championship belts.  These matches seem above championships and titles and it really makes the two World Championship matches feel like the kid's table at Thanksgiving.  Who cares if Daniel Bryan wins when Undertaker and Triple H are having a match to end THE BEST ERA IN WRESTLING WHERE MEN WERE MORE MANLY THAN TODAY?  Who cares if CM Punk wins when The Rock is either the best or John Cena cemented his reputation of being today's best wrestler and doesn't need a belt to prove it?

I'm still excited.  WRESTLING!

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